Now Where Were We #Doctor Who

Huh? What's happened? What am I doing here?

Last I recall I was at my brother's house in Bangor on Christmas Day playing junior monopoly and trying to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. Now I find I'm in Scotland, there appears to be an awful lot of snow outside.

Who is this on my Facebook and Twitter profiles?



And who has been writting this on my blog?

WARNING Note to all blogreaders this is just a plot devise based around the two part Doctor Who Christmas Special if you haven't seen it I do apologise.

It's Friday so....a little Light Saber Action

It's Friday, it's 5 and a few minutes. So although it doesn't feel like home time what with it being New Year's Day a tradition is a tradition, even if only a few weeks old.

Found this via Karen Alloy on twitter, who I'd recommend you subscribe to her YouTube Channel.

This however, isn't one of hers just her recomendation hat tip where it's due.



But this is her latest.



And finally thanks to Alex Wilcock for unearthing this gem as we await the 10th regeneration scene of The Doctor later this evening.

My Stating the Bleeding Obvious Predictions for 2010

1. There will be a General Election

2. The boat race will be won by Oxford....or Cambridge...one of those two teams at any rate.

3. The ice and snow currently covering large swathes of Scotland will melt.

4. During the Football World Cup in South Africa there will descent from players against at least one official.

5. There will be new boxing world champions....what you want the divisions, belts etc?...hey these are the bleeding obvious predictions not Nostradamus or some Mayans.

6. Talking of Mayan's somebody somewhere during the year will point out that the end of the Mayan calendar has happened before, and if only some Mayan were creating new far reaching calendars the film 2012 might not have happened.

7. There will be 5 men and 5 women nominated for the best Actor and Actress awards for the 2010 Academy Awards.

8. David Cameron will smile, look pensive and wave.

9. Gordon Brown will look glum, look glummer and try not to smirk again.

10. The Earth will do a complete circuit of the Sun, the moon will make approximately 13.4 orbits of the earth and Vogon Constructor Ships will not demolish us to make way for a Hyperspace Bypass...at least not this year.

UPDATE: As people keep linking to this and not my actual considered predictions I thought I'd better had do that myself.

OK It's Only Thursday....but...

It is Christmas Eve.

So here are some variations of a theme. After all if Lord Lloyd Weber can do his Variations of a Theme by Paganini....what you mean you don't know this?



Then I can present some Variations of a seasonal 18th Century English, or is that French, classic. So here is the theme, so over to the Muppets 30 years ago in 1979 and John Denver. Personally I fell sorry for Mr and Mrs Bear for the performanace of their son Fuzzy during this.



First up of our friends we go to the land of Far Far Away where Shrek and friends give us this.



Here's one I was first introduced to 19 Christmases ago by my friend Rob Davis and all my Canadian friends really like this mikey take as well. If you haven't met a Canadian some of this may be no



As I'll not be having a curry for the next couple of days this one is just to keep the chaps at Four in One, Bathgate hope that I'll soon be back ordering a Biryani (most likely).



The Devil may want to return the Prada he is wearing if he sets eyes on this Janice Dickinson parody on our theme.



If you thought Fuzzy Bear was confused above check out this absolutely A Cappella version from Straight No Chaser. My awesome pick of the day.



Finally a little bit of Karaoke courtesy of the Llama's. I think you all know the tune so all together now.



Of course like my Friday weekend starting blogs this hasn't been blogged live. Indeed this was compiled a on the 4th. I have a nephew's birthday to attend to today. But may I wish all my readers a Merry Christmas and hope you've enjoyed at least some of the above.

Price of Twelve Days of Christmas Shows Modest Increase

Yeah I thought it was that time of year again to report on the Christmas Price Index, the index with looks at a basket of 12 goods (13 if you count the partridge and the pear tree as separate entities) preformed over last year.

Well if you really have a two love who repeats all 364 gifts over the traditional 12 loops the cost is up a mere 0.9% at $87,402.81, this is the smallest increase since 2002 when the index actually showed deflation. The price for only one of each gift rose 1.8% to $21,465.56 up $385.46.

The rise is gold is the main contributor to the rise, with a whooping 42.9% jump over last years prices they come in at $499.95, which has to be repeated 8 times.

Those swimming swans who rose by 33% in 2008 were down 6.3% this year, and those people at the CPI decided to remove this volatile commodity on your true love's shopping list to come up with an underlying rate of 4.8%.

Fowl News Is Good News

After last year the flock of birds that true loves had to spend being a major inflationary pressure on the price of Christmas this year they are dropping helping to keep the costs down.

• Partridge in a Pear Tree is down 27.3 percent to $159.99. (Partridge down 50%, tree up 25%)
• The Six Geese-a-Laying are down a sizable 37.5 percent to $150.00.
• Four Calling Birds was even with last year at $599.96.
• Two Turtle Doves, which rose a paltry 1.8 percent to $55.98
• Three French Hens though flying up 50 percent to $45.00; the largest percentage increase in this year’s index. Rumours that next year these will be called Three Freedom Hens by hard pressed Americans has yet to be verified.

Pay Rises and Freezes

The milk maids benefited from another rise in the Federal Minimum wage in the US for the third year running (they had none for the decade before that). Their total hire fee is $58.00 up $5.80 on last year. Though the Drummers Drumming ($2,475.20), Pipers Piping ($2,284.80) and Lords-a-Leaping ($4,413.61) all suffered the fate of many and took a pay freeze this year. But the Ladies Dancing saw the best deal from their union coming in 15% up on last year at $5,473.07.

It's Friday....So......(Tiger Woods Special)

Hurrah. Yeah it is that time on a Friday to down tools and enjoy your weekend. As has become a regular feature in recent weeks I'm going to help those of you with hair to let it down, for the rest of you like me who are hirsuitely challenged at least I hope to bring a smile to you face.


First off here is that nice family picture from the front of a Christmas card from a nice family living in suburban Orlando, Florida.




Some used to think he could walk on water.



However, what really went on last weekend. I just guess it was said in better English than this, but hey it is fun (parental advisory on the language score).

It's Friday......So.....

With the Presidential Turkey Pardoning Thanksgiving earlier this week, I'm sure mine and other West Wing fans went back to certain episodes for Thanksgiving so thanks to the West Wing wikiquote page I serve up the following

First up from Shibboleth we have the dilemma that apparently Press secretaries have to

C.J. Cregg: They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.

President Josiah 'Jed' Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.

Of course you can watch the fictional White House Press Secretary coming face to face with the two finalists for consideration here.



Then from the Indians in the Lobby Episode, we have these little incident of the President himself calling a help line for some advise regarding the cooking of a less fortunate bird that was to grave the first families table. The quote is on the site as well, but then you may as well watch that clip for full effect and the swift thinking of Director of Communications Toby Ziegler as he does his best to serve at grace of the President whose hasn't thought through the implications of calling a helpline from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

It's the Weekend So....part 2

It's that time on a Friday where I let you all let you hair down a little it is 5pm GMT. On Wednesday it was the 20th Anniversary of Wallace and Gromit marked by this Google ident.



So for a little bit of fun here is their appearance in last Christmas's BBC One ident.



But just as Nick Park was inspired by other stop-motion animators so he has inspired others. I found this student's assignment piece and very good example of imitation.

Beware of the Depths.....Of your Biscuit Barrel

Just went you thought is was safe to reach for that biscuit, beware! Your choice of biscuit may have varying affects of your health.

Mindlab have undertaken a risk assessment on 15 types of popular tea break biscuits and come up with some findings. Dr David Lewis of Mindlab explains:

"We tested the physical properties of 15 popular types of biscuits. Along with aspects of their consumption such as 'dunkability' and crumb dispersal."

I’m not sure which is worse the fact that Mindlab have come up with a Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation or that the makers of Rocky commissioned the survey and were not evaluated in the results. Are we going to have BITE con alerts not posted on the packaging along with the nutritional goodness indicators.

Mike Driver, Marketing Director for Rocky said:

"We commissioned this study after learning how many biscuit related injuries are treated by doctors each year."

So what sort of injuries have biscuit eaters encountered:

• people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit
• falling off a chair while reaching for the tin
• sustaining burns after dunking a biscuit in scalding tea
• being hitby fragments flying through the air
• choking on crumbs

• damaging a tooth or filling ona particularly hard biscuit

• one person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit

Surely the last of these is not the fault of the poor innocent confection. However, I’m sure you’ll be wondering just what to avoid next time you head for the biscuit barrel.

According to Mindlab's calculations, here is the full list of the UK's riskiest biscuits, together with their 'danger' rating:

Custard Cream 5.64
Cookie 4.34
Chocolate Biscuit Bar 4.12
Wafer 3.74
Rich Tea 3.45
Bourbon 3.44
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Digestive 3.14
Ginger Nut 2.99
Shortbread 2.90
Caramel Shortcake 2.76

Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16

I’ll be watching the Custard Creams on the next desk out of the corner of my eye all day now. Why do we not have any Jaffa Cakes in?

Moon Faker

Forty years ago while Apollo 11 fever was sweeping the earth I was just a very sizable bump. I was merely biding time to arrive at the same time that the political party of my adulthood would have its annual conference.

Therefore last night I was quite shocked to find this compelling evidence that the lunar landings were faked (may I encourage younger readers to read the whole way to the bottom before throwing stuff at me*).

Today I am however glad to find that there are of course a list of twelve things that we do know are on the moon.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a craving for soup and cheese.

(Demon Drawer would like to thank Dr E. Vibenstein for unearthing the first of these.

* Sorry Irfan.

Conference: So Much to Write Not Enough Time

One of the things I thought would be easier this conference is that having my own laptop with me I'd be finding it so much easier to write up this conference.

Of course your laptop needs power but while there is WiFi in the Perth Concert Hall it is finding the time to actually just sit there and write. The other thing I am finding a little frustrating is that inside the auditorium I am without a signal for Orange. This means two things first I am unable to Tweet little aide memoires to the Twitterverse during the debates and second my time between debates online is then spent Tweeting what I would have done from the auditorium. However, I have copious notes about the Economic Recovery Package debate from yesterday, and will get around to reading my scrawl at some point later.

The other thing of course about the Spring Scottish Conference is that unlike the day long one in Autumn we really do have time for networking. Yesterday for example I did met fellow bloggers, Bernard Salmon, Andrew Reeves, Iain Dale (no not the Tory), Ros Scott, Ruaraidh Dobson and Callum Leslie. If you count the fact that I also ran into Brain Taylor I think I may well have scored the full house of the potential Lib Dem Bloggers.

Last night of course the highlight of the evening was the Liberal Youth Scotland Quiz and Improv Debate night. A roaring success as all of those present left the Ballroom at the Royal George with considerably lightened wallets. In the science round my team Twitter Ye Not realised that having a team full of humanities graduates the closest thing we had to real scientists were social scientists and sci-fi geeks, which meant we at least knew the answer to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything with confidence. However, Alistair Carmichael and Hugh O'Donnell were hilarious as the questioners and comperes.

Our team also provided 3/4 of the contestants in the Improv Debate and with Ben Rawlings we also had one of the names in the hat that was not called upon. But Cllrs Kenneth Elder and Charles Dundas, the eventual finalists, and myself took on a range of bizarre topics for debate. Things that would never grace the floor of main conference not even in LYS's wildest machinations.

What would Karl Marx make of the Internet? Saw Charles Dundas argue that while Marx said religion was the opiate of the masses what was widely not known was that Marx partook in the opiates and therefore was a great fan of religion.

Raffles should be banned? Was a subject suggested by me whilst I was being tackled by Gavin Steele with a wad of raffle tickets. But Kenneth Elder took up the tone of the afternoons debate of Tobacco Vending machines to say that as Liberals we shouldn't be banning anything unless of course it was to stop our young people getting dragged down by the lottery of life.

Beer is an effective contraceptive. Led me to argue that we all know how our drunken self can never find the way home, how much more would our drunken sperm be unable to find their way to let alone get the key in the lock of the eggs waiting for them at the end of their trip. Before concluding that we all know the rumour that after 4 pints we know that any man is any mans, and we all know that cant lead to pregnancy.

Into the final round and after the tight vote by applause in my semi-final Katy Gordon erroneously started to give me a subject for the final. In the end Mr Elder had to debate You cannot get between the love of a man and his sheep. While Mr Dundas had the subject who ate all the pies.

On the sheep Kenneth glossed over the fact that the subject was suggested by a Welshman in the room. Then argued that the wool on the sheep reminded you of that soft jumper from your gran that you just cannot throw away.

However, the speech of the night was from Charles Dundas who looked through the various types of pies. Rattling off the Lib Dems in the room as the potential eaters before a climatic revelation that the person who clearly ate all the pies was the occupant of Bute House.

Then as the Ballroom emptied out and the winners in the silent auction cuddled their acquisitions we all retired to the hotel bar for more networking. But it was a glorious success and LYS are already promising to do something similar again next year. I for one will be there.

Guess the Inspection Time

Ok today I am waiting for my annual Landlord's Gas Boiler Inspection so for fun I Tweeted this at 7am.

So here is the current book:

Sarabian 13:48

Linda Harvey aka Beatrice to H2G2 friends 13:55

James Graham 14:30

Hannah 15:30

Sub Rosa 16:30

Caron Not today

Glad to see I have so many optomistic friends with such faith in Scottish Gas. More guesses are welcome up until the time of arrival. There is only the prize of being the most right.

Update: Well you are all wildly off 9:03 buzzer went.

My First Album Meme

A little bit of weekend fun. Yeah something else I grabbed off Facebook.


MY FIRST ALBUM...RULES:


1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random


The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.



2 - Go to www.quotationspage.com and select "random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3


The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.



3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days


Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.





4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.





5 - Post it with this text in the "caption" or "comment" and TAG the friends you want to join in...


Here are my results:

"Pretend it isn't the case" by How Low Can You Go?

The LRT Beagle

Happy 200th Birthday Charles Darwin.

The Movie Quote Game

Got another tag on Facebook and thought I'd share it with you all. I'll reveal the answers as they are guessed either here or there.

Pick 20 of your favorite movies.
- Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
- Post them in a note for everyone to guess.
- NO GOOGLING/using IMDB search functions.
- NO LOOKING AT MY PROFILE TO SEE MY FAVORITE MOVIES!!!

As Jonathan Calder has hat tipped me I big up Rick Vaughan who without the wonders of Facebook would be consigned to the summer of 1991 in my life and a team in Bradford.

Easy one to start

1. Did you hear that? They shut down the main reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness.

Star Wars : Episode IV - A New Hope - Alex Wilcock*

2. A:What are they singing?
B: [translating] They run this way. They run that way. They are confused. They are afraid.
A: We are afraid?
[shouts]
A: We are afraid?
B: You are cowards.
A: You *bastards*.

3. A: We were just wondering if, if it is good to just leave a few things to, to chance?
B: We want to give your child the best possible start. Believe me, we have enough imperfection built in already. Your child doesn't need any more additional burdens. Keep in mind, this child is still you. Simply, the best, of you. You could conceive naturally a thousand times and never get such a result.

Gattaca - Will Howells

4. A: I was dreaming about God.
B: What did he say?
A: Nothing. He was playing tennis. Perhaps that's where God is all the time and that's why you can't see Him when you're awake, do you think?
B: I don't know. I don't know about God.
A: Perhaps He's our dream... and we're His.

5. Debi Newberry: You're a psychopath.
Martin Q. Blank: No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*. It's a *job*. That didn't come out right.

Grosse Pointe Blank - Will Patterson
Though Andrew Tate points out it is Minnie Driver talking to John Cusack

6. You traveled the world... Now you must journey inwards... to what you really fear... it's inside you... there is no turning back. Your parents' death was not your fault. Your training is nothing. The will is everything. If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely. Are you ready to begin?

So far Jennie Rigg has correctly indentified this as a Batman movie. Which Mr Wilcock correctly identifies as Batman Begins and were spoken by fellow Ulsterman Liam Neeson as Henri Ducard.

7. A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail - Jenny Rigg

8. Just for the record, I was only staring at your ass for the first 15 minutes!

Cayote Ugly - Richard Gadsen and yes it is Kevin to Violet (Jersey)

9. Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

Dead Poets Society - Yousuf Hamid

10. If word got around that I had been liberated for half a million dollars, I could never show my face in polite society again. Diamonds have no value except that which is placed upon them.

11. A: Look at them. They're just asking for it. Maybe the human race deserves to be wiped out.
B: Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great. But more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals.

12. A: Are you classified human?
B: Negative, I am a meat popsicle.

The Fifth Element - Cole007

13. So this affair you're not having - is it not with a man, or not with a woman?

14. A: I mean, there's every reason to suppose [pause]... that the game ultimately derives from the wholly unjustified right of the medieval lord to the unpaid labour of villains and serfs at haymaking and harvest.
B: You know, you're really beginning to get the idea.
A: Thanks.

Another Country - Jonathan Calder

15. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

2001: A Space Odyssey - Will Howells

16. You wouldn't hit a man with no trousers on, would you?

The Italian Job (1969) - Andrew Tate

17 Aragon: Are you frightened?
Frodo: Yes.
Aragon: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.

LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring - Will Howells**

18: Now, explain it to me like I'm a four-year-old.

19. It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that I'm sorry. But you can take my word for it, your mother had it comin'. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting.

Kill Bill Vol. 1 - Mina Ward

20. I'm lucky, he's lucky, we're all lucky!

Rocky Horror Picture Show - Jenny Rigg

* The fact that a rather well-tongued (as in spoken tongue...ooh you filthy minded lot) gent has partaken on this will mean I'll probably not hear the end of it for week, months or years.

**And he identified Aragon as the main speaker.

Worth Their Weight in Gold

I burst out laughing at the very well worded first question of the Times, the Week News Quiz this morning:

If bankers are worth their weight in gold - and assuming that each weighed
15 stone - how many could you buy with this weeks £200,000,000,000 bank
bailout.
a) 4,500 - the remaining staff of Northern Rock
b) 25,000 - the global staff of Lehman Brothers before its collapse
c) 100,000 - the UK staff of RBS

Whoever composed such a question has a dry wit and is a worthy quiz compiler.

BTW the answer is c

Exclusive: Lionel talks to Sooty

I is very excited this morning as Mister Stephen, following my interview with Mister Viking Leader last year, has landed me another all star interviewee.

So Mister Sooty. There has been a lot of coverage in the press recently about your relationship with the Prince of Wales, would you care to comment.

What was that I didn't quite hear?

Excuse me readers I have to lean in so he can whisper.

Oh. What do you mean you hardly know Mister Prince Charles?

Sorry folks I'm not sure if the mic is picking up Mister Sooty here. But he said that he has only ever met Mister HRH at Royal Variety Performances.

Mister Sooty it is understand that Mister Prince Charles and Mister Prince Williiam call you Sooty on account of, how can I put this delicately, well on account of colour. The colour of your ears to be specific. How do you feel about that?

Oh, everybody calls you that do they? Does that make it alright do you think? How do you think we should make racism or derogatory comments history?

Pass you your what? Ah this. And what was that?

Oh everybody. Mister Sooty has an answer but he needs your help. Apparently we all know the magic word.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Waving of magic wand.

Come on every one "Izzy Wizzy Let's Get Busy." Make the magic happen and show racism the red card.

Wierd Search Results Week 51 2008

I've decided to each Friday post some of the wierdest ways people surf through to my blog. It started as an idea when someone in Las Vagas came on by using the search word "gambling vanity" so I thought well that location is appropriate. Though heaven knows what they found out about the SNP during Glenrothes.

Mind you yahoo do think that I've written "homourous poems about the credit crunch" as my Twelve Days was in their first 10 hits. Next years Fringe here I come.

I also always wonder when somebody looks for a variation of my name and interesting additions just what, who and why they were looking for "steven glen and the petroleum". I hope that Dane found what and who they were after and that it didn't prove to be their link to nowhere.

Price Of Christmas is Up

Following on from my post on how the credit crunch is affecting the Twelve Days of Christmas it would appear courtesy of the guys at Christmas Price Index that the price of the traditional song is up 10.9% by traditional shopping or 1.8% on the interweb on 2007.



The total song for the Twelve days would cost $86,608.51 by traditional shopping, but $131,150.76 online. While most shopping online will bring benefits in saving it is the Lord's once again who don't like having their leaping antics sold in such a modern way (at least not the cheaper Lords).



By traditional reckoning the major price increases are in the various birds (with the exception of the french hens and geese) which all have increased by 33.3%, the more traditional egg layers have decreased by this amount.



The gold rings have surprising dropped in value over last year, whatever happened to the price of gold going up in a financial crisis, but the milking maids appear to have earned a inflation busting 12% pay increase in the last 12 months.

Analyse This

I see that Charlotte Gore and Jonathan Calder amongst others have used the Genderanalyzer on their blog, my results come out as 92% male (maybe it's time to tone down the language somewhat).

So in order of maleness on Lib Dem blogs thus far then we line up me, Darell G, LibCync, Costigan Quist, John @ Liberal Revolution, Charlotte and Jonathan. Alex Wilcock is either 94% or 58% male, Jo Christine-Smith also is either 85% or 54% depending on whether she's talking about feminism and gender issues (the former) of about the GLA and PPC selection (the latter). All this is getting rather scary wonder what DELGA or the Genber Balance Task Force will make of it.