Strictly Come Royalty

Congratulations to Lord Freddie Windsor and his new bride actress Sophie Winkleman. Not only has the 32nd in line to the throne and his bride, half sister to It Takes Two presenter Claudia, tied the knot but they have also refused to let the celebrity press pay £600,000 for their wedding day pictures. Instead of taking £100,000 more than 11th in line Peter Philips last year, apparently with the Queen's disapproval, they gave one of the Royal magazines Majesty exclusivity for free.

A spokesman for the newlyweds said they had turned down the "life-changing" amount of money for the exclusive rights adding:

"They certainly thought hard about it but in the end they decided it wouldn’t be right. I’m sure the reputation of the royal family was part of their thinking."

Sophie in her career played Princess Eleanor in the ITV drama The Palace the elder and somewhat scheming sister of the fictional young King Richard IV. The couple are now preparing for a life in Holywood as she embarks on a new US comedy series 100 Questions for Charlotte Payne. The groom, only son of Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, is to continue his banking career in California with JP Morgan.

Although the most senior Royal to attend was Princess Eugenie, the King and Queen from The Palace Rupert Evans and Jane Asher did read a poem in the ceremony at Hampton Court.

Exclusive: Lionel talks to Sooty

I is very excited this morning as Mister Stephen, following my interview with Mister Viking Leader last year, has landed me another all star interviewee.

So Mister Sooty. There has been a lot of coverage in the press recently about your relationship with the Prince of Wales, would you care to comment.

What was that I didn't quite hear?

Excuse me readers I have to lean in so he can whisper.

Oh. What do you mean you hardly know Mister Prince Charles?

Sorry folks I'm not sure if the mic is picking up Mister Sooty here. But he said that he has only ever met Mister HRH at Royal Variety Performances.

Mister Sooty it is understand that Mister Prince Charles and Mister Prince Williiam call you Sooty on account of, how can I put this delicately, well on account of colour. The colour of your ears to be specific. How do you feel about that?

Oh, everybody calls you that do they? Does that make it alright do you think? How do you think we should make racism or derogatory comments history?

Pass you your what? Ah this. And what was that?

Oh everybody. Mister Sooty has an answer but he needs your help. Apparently we all know the magic word.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Waving of magic wand.

Come on every one "Izzy Wizzy Let's Get Busy." Make the magic happen and show racism the red card.

Google UK Blown Off the Google Earth

It was just an ordinary Thursday. That is except that the woman's profile that once upon a time graced green bits of paper which appeared in people's wallets, before they were phased out for round gold coloured coinage, also graced the front page of the world's largest Internet search engine. For on this particular Thursday this octogenarian, and her even older husband, were just slipping down the road from their town house to visit the London HQ of the world's guide to well life, the universe and everything really. That was before they got home to find the place swamped with Olympic and Paralympic athletes, who said they'd just popped around for a nice cup of tea. Although she was rather proud that they seemed to have raided a fair proportion of all the gold in China.

When they got they dottery they were not showing a aptitude for mouse eye co-ordination that many younger people may be jealous of. However, when the Duke of Edinburgh was being shown images of Buckingham Palace just up the road he asked the whizz kids if they could show him their base at Belgrave House, 76 Buckingham Palace Rd, London, United Kingdom. Sadly all Google Earth could show him at that location was a hole in the ground, where the building had yet to be, it appears that His Royal Highness had uncovered a glitch in the fabric of the space google time continuum, no doubt one of the casually dressed members of staff, providing it wasn't assigned to the teaboy in error will have been putting that to right straight away.